Times of Trouble


Troubleshooter team DMM-299 is once again selected for additional labour. The team first reports to Double-Stuff R&D depot DS-DMM-01-D, where they received some CLASSIFIED. The CLASSIFIED was very CLASSIFIED and CLASSIFIED their CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED. The team was ordered to CLASSIFIED the CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED. Parker’s CLASSIFIED was a little bomb bot, but she was only given the first letter of its detonation word (it starts with a “B”). Terry’s CLASSIFIED was a cylinder with some strings and such. Taylor’s CLASSIFIED was a spray bottle of some kind. Kelly’s CLASSIFIED was a cybernetic arm with two buttons on it. Kadin’s CLASSIFIED was a large hat designed for a small head. They were also given some CLASSIFIED form to fill out … however, there were only blue pens around, and only Terry had thought to buy red pens, so the team shared one pen between themselves as they filled out the forms.

The team then boarded a transbot to head to CRS-4533/gamma. While in transit, some green security grunts raided the train, no doubt searching for commie mutant traitors. They herded everyone off the train except for DMM-299, then left. The train continued on its way; however, it soon became clear to the team that it was going to bypass station gamma. The team accessed the transbot AI and, despite arguing with it for several whole seconds, were unable to convince it to stop at gamma. Eventually Kelly and Kadin managed to reprogram the AI so that it would stop at gamma.

At gamma, the team was met by Yuri-B-OGN-4 and three other Vulture troopers. Yuri had a lot of cyber, and seemed a little bit paranoid in that he did not trust his own clones. He handed DMM-299 some equipment (black jumpsuits and a list of inflammatory phrases such as “what’s happening dude” and “I deride your personal value system, for it is at odds with orthodoxy”), and instructed them to start a riot in the commissary nearby. This was in order to weed out commie traitors – the traitors would join the riot, while the loyal citizens would follow procedure and evacuate. Yuri promised that DMM-299 would be immune from execution for inciting the riot.

Due to the infinite wisdom of Our Friend The Computer, everyone in DMM-299 is the Hygiene Officer for this mission, and was given a Hygiene Officer’s gear.

While still at gamma station, Kelly programmed his Frankie the Funbot to say “what’s up dude”, and his war bot to repeat “let’s get ready to rumble”. They wander around repeating those phrases incessantly. Kelly then tests out the buttons on his arm – one causes the arm to fall off, so he reattaches it, while the other causes the arm to explode, which kills him instantly. Kelly returns as a new clone, but in order to reattach the cybernetic arm, the DoubleStuff technicians have to cut off his real arm with a chainsaw. Too bad they only remembered the painkillers after they had already sawed his limb off.

Taylor tests the spray that he was given by spraying it on Terry. It appears to cause immediate loss of short-term memory, as Terry could no longer remember Taylor telling her his favourite colour. The spray is also uncomfortably sticky.

Reunited with Kelly, the team heads in to the commissary. They join one of the lines heading to the service firms that dispense food, and start to observe the crowd looking for commie mutant traitors. The team attempts to start a riot by shouting the phrases they were provided, but they only begin to get results after Kelly jumps on a table and starts going on about how terrible and inefficient the service is (compared to his home outfit, the Stove Rangers). This only attracts a green security guard, who is about to show DMM-299 the door when Taylor hits him with the spray and he completely forgets what he was doing. He wanders off, completely befuddled as to why his face is now all sticky.

The team sits down at a table to try and figure things out. All of this time, Parker has been trying to guess the bomb bot’s detonation phrase, with no success. Now, however, Kelly and Parker manage to program a new detonation phrase into the bomb bot – “Xerxes”. Terry immediately says “Xerxes”, and the bomb bot explodes, killing the entire team and everyone around them.

A bomb going off in the middle of a crowded commissary very effectively incites a riot. The team’s new clones are given accolades and various pay bonuses for their efficient work, once again proving that there’s none finer than two-niner-niner.


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