Times of Trouble

On the road again to DOA

Looking for Trouble really needs a win so the call in Lee-R, Izzy-R, Cassidy-R, and Cameron-R. The team is to head DOA and sterilize some rooms, and along the way run some pathogen drills in DMA.

The team heads picks up a few supplies and then plan their route. Over to DBA and then “straight” to DNA. After a very long drive they grab a room for he night. After breakfast the team makes a plan to go to Sybaritix, where someone has a rival club. With the help of Christoper-R, the door man, they get in touch with the manager and run the drills. The well organized Izzy-R runs the whole thing, even gets a copy of the surveillance of all the staff rolling around on the ground. The patrons of the restaurant seemed well prepared for this sort of attack.

The group then heads off to DOA, via DNA. The border into DOA is heavy guarded and they don’t want to let our heroes enter. After is looks like they are not going to be able to talk their way through the team decides to run for it. It does not go as smoothly as could be hoped and Izzy-R get pushed up against the wall of the tunnel a bit. But they team makes it into DOA.

After some helpful people give directions the team finds they intersection they are looking for. It is guarded by a green, but the team wastes no time in running into him and entering the facility to complete their mission.

After clearing the reception room things get a little hazy. There was definitely some beautiful fire. While the mission is a success, 2 team members do lose a clone. The team waits for the things to calm down, used false IDs to get out of DOA, and arrives home heroes.

DPA is in the money

Team CBB006 is formed with at transbot station DBB. Cameron-R is financial offer, Mekenzie-R is advertising officer, Lee-R is the leader, and Lonnie-R is the communications officer. The team is to head to DPA and see if they can figure out what is making the economy is so good, and to sell 2000 algae chips.

The team travels to DPA and does their best to sell their chips along the way. When they arrive they find a scrub bot attacking citizens so they disable it.

The team then makes contact with Portable Ceilings who will be providing them with boarding during their stay. They talk with Zachery-R who is the Portable Ceilings rep there about the current lack of housing. They all their algae chips to one person in a brilliant move.

After some trouble with barracks the team heads out to do some more investigating, and ends up at a speak easy. After talking the people there team comes up with one lead. Lee-R talks someone leading him into to potential black market employers, unfortunately he was unable to keep up with him as they traveled through traffic.

Road Trip

The Gruel Gastropod Group prepares to go on its’ first road trip. They meet Alley at the predetermined time and place. Things are a little tight with 6 people squeezing into the back.

The Group is heading to DBB first. They stop at the Your Side Control border and are helped by Minnie-CBB-1 to get on their way. After being helped by Sandra-R-DBB-3 of StopeLite IS they head to the Yum Yum #12 Cafeteria for the first round of gruel tasting. There is some entertainment as a infra-red rides in on a vehicle that is treasonous for them and causes quite the stir.

The Group now heads to DBA. After checking out of DBB with Melvin-R-DBB-1 of StopLite LS they are on the road again. Clinton-R-DBA-1 of Dotted Line Patrol guards the border from DBB and makes sure all the Groups paper work is filled out correctly. Cafeteria #117 run by Good Enuff Chef and Sludge Away is a memorable experience, as it is capped off by a Scrub Bot freaking out as they end their meal. Soon enough the Group is headed out to CBA with the help of Malcolm-R-DBA-2 of Dotted Line Patrol. The squeeze is a lot tighter as there are many packages, even some on the front seats where passengers cannot go.

Darlene-O-WQR-2, of Stay Home, welcomes the Group to CBA. There the Group enjoys the gruel of Loyalty Time #476. It has been a long day and the Group is finally ready to head home. After Tora-Y-CBA-1, of Friend of a Friend, says good bye on behalf of CBA the group is almost home.

Bernard-R-CAB-1, of StopLite LS, welcomes the the returning tasters to their homes.

Aug 5 - What is WQR good for?

4 lunch ladies were brought together for the first time. Kelly-O, Tony-O, Ellory-O, and Cameron-O. Their instructions were to go to WQR and meet Deklin-Y. Kelly-O was the Awareness Officer, Tony-O was the Medical Officer, Ellory-O was Leader, and Cameron-O was Public Relations Guy.

After travelling to WQR and being put through a couple awareness tests by Kelly-O the ladies arrived very close to there rondevue spot. The lunch ladies crossed three active train tracks, opened a hatch, and climbed down to where they were to meet Deklin-Y. When the briefing officer was running late the ladies got nervous and called him, and left him a voice message. Shortly after there was an explosion and the ladies were forced to take cover.

After contacting friend computer the ladies got a new mission. Meet with the army and give them sensitivity training. The lunch ladies were on task and started to study the manuals given to them by friend computer.

A short while later the ladies were rescued by Earl-G. Earl-G and his men escorted the lunch ladies to the base camp. They travelled by a damaged bunker were one of the ladies got a strange message from someone claiming to be a high ranking of over. Once at the camp the team was introduced to Jack-B.

Once on site Team DMM-29C bent to their task. Quickly setting up a face painting exercise, with poetry reading and interpretive dance to follow. During this time Tony-O tried to call the officer who sent the strange message near the bunke. Someone pretending to be that officer got on the phone, but Tony-O saw through the ruse called them on it and hung up.

The soldiers did not seem interested in the exercises. Earl-G was particularly unfocused and spent more time playing with his rifle. When Tony-O went to talk to him about that Earl-G lost his temper and tried to shoot him. Luckily something went wrong with his gun.

After that things went down hill quickly. Despite Ellory-O’s convincing words Jack-B asked his men to open fire on the rest of the team. The team used there unique skills to get away. Kelly-O blended into the crowd and released some distractions. Tony-O outran most of the soldiers following him, killed the rest with a grenade, doubled back, got to high ground and started to provide covering fire. Ellory-O tried to talk Jack-B down, but his temper was to far gone and in the end was forced to flee. Cameron-O stared down “his” attackers and then disappeared into the shadows.

Just as the team was safely away a gun ship flew in and blew up the camp. It turned out the camp was actually traitors the whole time. The real soldiers made quick work of the traitors.

Before leaving Kelly, Tony, and Ellory went to one of the cloning facilities to help out their team members Peter who was having some paper work issues.

The mission turned out to be very successful and everyone was promoted. Ellory-O and Cameron-O became yellows and Tony-O and Kelly-O joined the army and became green.

Nothing Bad Will Change
One half of the finale to all of the spork / zombie trouble stuff

Take heed, dear readers:

After last adventure, intrepid troubleshooting team DMM two-niner-niner are split up into two separate teams: DMM-299 and DMM-29D. This post details the adventures of DMM-29D, which consists of Kelly-O, Kelsey-R, Parker-R, Kadin-O, Terry-O, and Dahn-R.

Team DMM-29D is summoned from zombie Myron-B’s office back to the Complex Utensils factory. The factory no longer produces utensils, but is now outfitted with electric towers, tesla coils, and other machinery to convert people into zombies. There, Titus-U-RYW-4 explains that Sector CRS is the only true sector, and that all other sectors are “in rebellion against friend computer”. Sector CRS friend computer has declared that zombies are the way of the future and everyone in Alpha Complex will be converted – given that DMM-29D are friends of Titus-U, they will be given some leeway in exactly when that will happen to them. Kelsey and Parker decide at this time to get turned into Mark II zombies, leaving only Kadin, Terry, and new team member Dahn still human (and growing more and more concerned for the safety of their brains).

There also appears to be a problem with Kelly’s clones, as he is informed that he is on his twelfth clone, despite only having used six. Titus-U is growing him another one, but it won’t be ready for some time, so he warns Kelly to not die.

Titus-U then renames the team CRS-Z02, and promotes everyone to Green. Of course, this promotion is only effective within sector CRS, since the rest of Alpha Complex will still recognize the team by their previous designations. He reveals that he is working on a virus to infect friend computer in the rest of Alpha Complex so that the “true” zombie friend computer will be everywhere. Meanwhile, team CRS-Z02’s mission is to go to a hidden settlement “Incivility” in the undercity and bring back some brains. The zombies in Sector CRS are getting mighty hungry, and they aren’t done cloning more brains yet. He gives the team some energy pistols and flamethrowers, and sends them on their way.

Dahn also has a mission to test some robots, but … y’know, zombies.

After this, Titus-I-5 speaks to the team and gives them further directions. He wants to depose his brother Titus-U, so he asks the team to carry out Titus-U’s orders in the worst way possible – by bringing the people of Incivility back alive (instead of just their brains), and letting them loose on the streets. Pandemonium will certainly ensue, and in the confusion Titus-I will seize power and will reward the team with money and other perks.

The team departs for a secret transbot system that only the elite (green clearance and up) get to use. At the bottom of the elevator, the team’s old friend Yuri-G is waiting, apparently unaware of the situation in Sector CRS. Some of the less alive members of the team fix to eat his brains, but a Mexican standoff ensues when Kadin puts his gun to Kelly’s head. Yuri departs peacefully, and the team heads to the transbot station. They must avoid being seen getting on and off the train, since Sector CRS and its agents are traitors to the rest of Alpha Complex. On the platform, Kelly makes a straw man out of his bots (so the transbot stops), and the team hides in the station.

When the team tries to board a transbot, however, the occupants stop Kelly from bringing his bots on board. Apparently no bots are allowed on trains. Kelly starts a gunfight, provoking a crazy blue-clearance citizen with a bazooka to open fire. Kadin and Terry take cover while everyone in the train tries to take out the bazooka gunner. Parker and Kelsey argue about who gets to eat the brains of a passenger. People are running everywhere, and there is a mass exodus from the train. Kadin and Terry follow this crowd, and try to convince them all to help them turn on the zombified members of the team.

Back on the train, the team puts out the fires, repairs the damage as much as they can, gets the transbot running again and programs it to go to the next station (Sector BCW). The transbot limps to the next station, and then dies. At the next station, everyone suddenly has cell reception again, so Dahn (as the team’s medical officer) summons a doc bot to treat Kelly. The doc bot inspects Kelly, then injects him with medicines that, when reacting to his zombie physiology, cause him to go blind. The doc bot then tries to return Kelly to Sector DMM for treatment, which would cure him of zombification. Kelly, however, does not want to go. Dahn sneaks in and injects Kelly with a handful of drugs, which cause him to become happy, compliant, wide awake, bouncy, and eager. With Kelly locked down, Kadin shouts “Xerxes!” and he and Terry draw their weapons.

There follows a brief firefight on the train car. Kadin and Terry attack Kelsey as she tries to drag away the incapacitated Kelly. Parker, meanwhile, leaps at Kadin and does her best to bite off his face. Dahn calls friend computer and requests backup, at which point friend computer calls the nearest troubleshooter team in the area (DMM-29D) and orders them to help. Parker joins Kelsey and Kelly in the elevator, at which point Terry blasts them all with her flamethrower, killing Kelly and grievously wounding Kelsey. The whole mess ends with docbots treating everyone, restoring Kelsey and Parker to human form and curing Kadin. Kelly has used his only clone, and henceforth he was represented by his bots.

Kelsey makes the mistake of asking friend computer about zombies, and friend computer identifies them as Old Reckoning treason and orders Kelsey to be brainscrubbed – the team flees down the elevator to Incivility village. In the elevator, Kadin and Terry come up with anti-zombie propaganda, to try and head off any further zombie disasters – they don’t have a catchy jingle, since Parker isn’t really on board this time, but it’s something.

At the bottom of the elevator, the team finds a functioning nuclear reactor and a village full of mutants. Many of these people have facial hair, strange fatty bulges in weird places, some have tentacles coming out of their faces, and others are tiny clones that shouldn’t be out of their clone creche yet. It is all really quite weird. The village’s mayor Harker (who has four arms) explains that sometimes Alpha Complex sends mutants down here to live. He also mentions that the elevator should not have worked for the team, but apparently Dahn, Kadin, and Terry have nanites that allow them to use the elevator to reach Incivility. Terry warns the mayor about the zombies in Sector CRS and the mission that Team DMM-29D were originally sent on. Nobody seems all that concerned, though.

People in Incivility also eat natural food, a fact that becomes immediately apparent when the mayor orders dishes of roast rat brought out for the team to eat. Kelsey offers some of her supply of sporks, and the mayor is overjoyed at her gift. The team visits the market, which has many stone-age crafts for sale, as well as recharging services using the nuclear reactor’s output. The team take the opportunity to recharge their energy weapons in exchange for more sporks. Terry also spread anti-zombie propaganda.

While the team is shopping, Dahn gets a surprise call from Titus-I-RYW-6. Titus-I tells Dahn that the whole Easter thing was a lie – there were no chocolate ovoids. Titus-I says that his brothers must be destroyed, and offers the team 20,000 credits and promotion to blue clearance if they can pull it off. He also promises to get them guns and grenades. He is hiding out near the spork factory back in Sector CRS.

Walking down an access tube on their way back to Sector CRS, the team hears an earth-shattering explosion. It seems that while DMM-29D were faffing about and shooting at each other, their comrades in DMM-299 tricked some terrorists into detonating the nuclear reactor in Sector CRS, blowing it (and the entire zombie conspiracy) completely away.

The end.

Join Team Zombie
Episode VI: Return of the Clones

We rejoin two-niner-niner in the Underplex, where they had just confronted an airlock. It was unknown at this time where the airlock went, and in fact if they were on the unsafe side of it. Kelly proceeded to open the airlock door, triggering a “pressure unequal” warning. Kelly then shorted out the pressure sensor, allowing the airlock door to fully open. Water immediately started pouring in from the other side, and the team beat a hasty retreat back upstairs to the spork warehouse.

At the top of the stairs, the team found themselves staring into the yellow laser barrels of troubleshooting team DML-407, the band of yellows who had accosted them previously. Among their number is Gunner, the green grunt they had encountered before, albeit promoted to yellow clearance. He apparently got in trouble for using a name other than the one that Friend Computer gave him, and so insisted that everyone call him Roddy-Y. Just as the yellows are about to execute two-niner-niner, they suddenly decide to be best friends instead. DMM-299 also decides that they are best buddies with DML-407. Roddy even hugs Taylor-O. DML-407’s leader, Gregor-Y, puts up his rifle and decides that DMM-299 are alright, and that the team should come with them. Not seeing an effective choice, DMM-299 agrees and follows DML-407 out of the warehouses. Hanging a right at the endless tunnel, DML-407 leads everyone to a rickety old elevator covered in the same kind of spores as the sporks. Cameron, being a good hygiene officer, sprays the wall with disinfectant. The wall dissolves completely. Gregor-Y tells Cameron if he does that again he’ll shoot him.

The elevator opens on a factory floor, belonging to Complex Utensils – the main competitor to Spork Supply Inc. All of the spork manufacturing machinery has been cleared away, and in its place are cryo tubes, tables with restraints on them, locked cages full of shambling zombies, and more of those souped-up dentists chair torture thingies. Gregor-Y says they are going to see the boss, Titus-I.

Titus-I appears and, in true supervillain style, laughs maniacally while explaining his devious plans. According to Titus-I, the Glory of the Easter Cycle is upon us, whereupon the dead rise and give chocolate ovoids to all the good citizens of Alpha Complex! He throws a massive switch, triggering fog machines (for dramatic effect) and cryo tubes (for actual effect). Screaming “It’s aliiiiiive!!”, Titus-I watches as another Titus-I emerges from the cryo-tube. The “new” Titus-I lunges at Titus-I, and they fight.

All of the zombie cages are open by this point, and both teams of troubleshooters are fighting the walking dead. DML-407 has a vast advantage, kitted out with laser rifles, flamethrowers, and grenades, but even this is not enough. DMM-299 first tries to fight through the zombies to reach the elevator, but after Kadin-O is killed they fall back and hide from the zombies, who are now spilling out into the streets. Kadin-O returns quickly, having re-spawned there in Sector CRS rather than back home in DMM as he should have.

DMM-299 runs for the transbot station as zombies overrun Sector CRS. They kick a bunch of infrareds off the platform and hack their way into a transbot (which had been in security lockdown). Kelly and Kadin attempt to hack the transbot AI into taking them back to Sector DMM; however, Sector CRS has been locked down and the transbot slams headlong into a concrete security barrier. Regrettably, the control panel to override the security barrier is on the other side of the security barrier.

The team returns to the transbot platform, where green security grunts are trying to corral people. Parker scratches her back and the security guards spontaneously combust, allowing the team to pass. Back at the spork factory, the team see Kadin-R-1 and Kadin-O-2 standing guard. Kadin-O talks to them, and the two Kadin zombie clones take the team to see Titus-I and Titus-I. The two (now both zombie) Titus-Is intend to convert DMM-299 into zombies, but first – recognizing DMM-299’s success in getting people to like Spork Supply’s horrible spore-covered sporks – the Tituses want the team to be the zombies’ PR group and come up with a marketing campaign to get all of Alpha Complex to embrace zombieism. The team is divided on whether or not to go through with this, but decide to play along until they can escape again.

The team once again has five points to address in their marketing campaign:
1. zombies eat brains
2. only high-clearance citizens will become Mark II zombies and retain their mind and personality, becoming the upper class of the New Order
3. everyone will be turned into zombies
4. zombies are currently in the process of eating Sector CRS
5. zombies are the result of a traitorous conspiracy

As the team begins their planning, Kelly-O decides to go all-in and allows Titus-I to kill and zombify him. He comes back as a Mark II zombie, with super strength and enhanced abilities (and only a slight hunger for his teammates’ brains). Meanwhile, the team work their totally not traitorous we promise propaganda skills – Parker even composes a “Join Team Zombie” jingle that immediately gets stuck in everyone’s heads.

With their marketing plan complete, Titus-I and Titus-I send two-niner-niner to the CRS-DRS corridor – the last remaining pocket of resistance in CRS and the only exit to the rest of Alpha Complex that hasn’t yet been sealed. Titus-I and Titus-I want DMM-299 to convince the armed forces to Join Team Zombie. Two-niner-niner arrives at the Quarantine & Free Speech Containment Zone, where an army of soldiers and tanks and tactical nukes is waiting. They convince the soldiers to not immediately shoot them, and buy themselves 30 seconds to talk. Kelly, Cameron, and Parker try to convince the soldiers to Join Team Zombie, while Terry, Taylor, and Kadin reject Team Zombie and try to get rescued instead. The result is as expected – they sow confusion and discord among the soldiers, who open fire on each other. Two-niner-niner retreats back down into the zombie-infested Sector CRS, their last hope of escape dashed.

Along the way, a desperate infrared attempts to rob Two-niner-niner and steal higher-security clearance gear so he can escape Sector CRS. Kelly tries to eat his brains – Kadin attempts to stop him, but is no match for Kelly’s super zombie strength.

Two-niner-niner goes to see their old friend Myron-B. Myron-B is a zombie, and he relieves them of their earlier mission to get 50,000 sporks – since everyone is eating brains now, no one has any need of sporks! He gives the team a new marketing task – convince everyone that sporks have uses other than for eating.

Episode V: The Underplex Strikes Back

We rejoin our troubleshooters in the midst of the Underplex, where they have made the acquaintance of a C.H.A.S.M. Mk. I security bot that Kelly has named Max. Kelsey-R had to return to Alpha Complex for other duties, and she was replaced by Cameron-R-AMW-1, a fine addition to DMM-299’s team of Hygiene Officers.

After exploring their immediate area, the team discovers that the ancient metal walkways connecting the #3 warehouse with the #7 warehouse are not burdened with an overabundance of railings. They are also missing some sections, meaning that the direct path is not an option. The team must instead go through other rooms, including the aforementioned “Monster?” room. The team then engages in several efficient uses of time including box tipping, which causes the ancient greyish plastic boxes to shatter and disgorge their contents (packed in WHITE could-be-styrofoam pellets). This activity earns Taylor the nickname “Crate Tipper”, or CT for short. Max clomps over and makes it known that the team is doing something that he is supposed to stop them from doing, and then, after Kelly convinces him that their communication is only “kinda sort of” effective, Max resorts to interpretive dance.

The team tries to figure out a way to bridge the gap, first by cutting a slice of intact walkway, which required Taylor to hold Kelly’s ankles while Kelly hung over the edge of the bottomless drop to inspect the underside of the walkway, and then by Terry crocheting a rope out of six packs of dental floss, and then by trying to weld pieces of rebar together to make a bridge. Eventually Terry decides to strike out and explore the facility herself. She strides through the “Monster?” room with the greatest of ease, despite the “Uuuuunnngghh” sound coming from below, and enters the larger warehouse. Inside she finds some cryo tubes, some hand carts, a device that appears to be a cross between a wheelchair, a doc bot, a MemoMax, and a torture device designed by deranged dentists, and about half a dozen Yellow citizen corpses. Oh, and some zombies. One of which looks disturbingly like Taylor-R-1.

Terry shoots the Taylor-R-1 zombie in the chest, but he keeps on shambling towards her. She shoots it again in the face, and it goes down. She retreats, jamming the door behind her with her hammer, and runs back to warn the team.

With lasers and chainsaws at the ready, the team runs back to the zombie-infested warehouse. Some have more difficulty crossing the rickety old walkway than others – Parker falls almost to her death before Cameron can grab her. Taylor, Terry, Kelly, and Kadin go all Army of Darkness on those zombies. One zombie manages to sink its claws into Terry’s scalp before she headbutts it into oblivion.

About this time a bunch of Yellows show up, elbow their way past Max, and enter the room with the walkways. They appear to be the returning clones of the former troubleshooting team, whose bodies Taylor discovered in the big warehouse. Parker gives them some lip and they shoot at her, collapsing the walkway and sending her plummeting. At the last second she grabs hold of the dental floss rope and saves herself. The Yellows easily leap the gap and break into the warehouse. The rest of the team hides in the empty cryo tubes as the Yellows break out their guns and blast through more zombie hordes.

Once the Yellows are past, the team emerges from hiding and reunites with Parker and Cameron. They decide to sneak past the Yellows and investigate some stairs going down, deeper into the Underplex. At the bottom of the stairs, they find a door that Kadin identifies as an airlock. They decide against going through, since they don’t know if they are supposed to be on the dangerous side or the safe side of the airlock. Down there, away from the Yellows, the team hatches a daring plan to sneak past the Yellows while they are still fighting the zombies, acquire ten crates of sporks (at 5000 sporks per crate), and boogie back upstairs before anyone is the wiser.

There is absolutely nothing that could possibly go wrong with this plan.


They Might Not Be Poisonous
Episode IV: A New Spork

Troubleshooting team DMM-two niner niner are two for two in terms of mission success, likely setting a new Alpha Complex record for troubleshooter effectiveness. This time the intrepid band of Hygiene Officers are called up to deal with the aftermath of the riot they recently caused experienced in Sector CRS. Joined by new Hygiene Officer Kelsey-R-ELS-2, they report to Myron-B-RDS-3, the founder of Spork Supply PLC, a service firm that just won the contract to supply sporks to cafeterias in CRS for the low low price of nothing.

Myron-B tells DMM-299 that they will be responsible for Spork Supply’s marketing campaign. There is a focus group coming to try out the sporks, and in order to complete their mission the team must ensure that the people in the focus group do not become less happy when using Spork Supply sporks. There are several difficulties with this:

1) Spork Supply sporks do not work as sporks
2) The sporks crumble into grey dust when you so much as look at them, because they are in fact very old (ancient) sporks that have been dug up from somewhere;
3) They are covered with greyish spores that might be poisonous;
4) Since sporks are given out for free with all meals, citizens don’t much care who supplies them; and
5) No one likes sporks. They are ridiculous cutlery.

DMM-299 springs into action. After securing a spork for demonstration and ensuring it does not crumble to dust by using a liberal application of SuperGum and a towel, the team convenes in a conference room to discuss their marketing strategy. They decide that these sporks do indeed have benefits – they are instantly disposable, extremely biodegradable, they might not be poisonous (which cannot be said for the competitor’s sporks), they are gone as soon as you touch them so you don’t have to eat with something you don’t like, and, of course, only Commie Mutant Traitors would be less happy with the sporks that Friend Computer provides.

The focus group comes in one at a time to a confession booth. Using a combination of fancy Spork Propaganda™, coercion, intimidation, and pharmaceuticals, the team convinces the the focus group to be happy with Spork Supply brand sporks. That is, until Ian-R-POR-1 comes into the booth. Ian-R is actually an undercover Green security guard, the very same guard who accosted the team in the commissary when they were trying to start a riot minding their own completely non-treasonous business. He is apparently here to investigate DMM-299’s involvement in said riot. The team overcomes this obstacle by brain-scrubbing him. Twice. Which caused the unfortunate side-effect of death.

Back in Myron-B’s office, having succeeded with the focus group, Myron-B informs them that his other troubleshooting team (who was handling procurement) has failed. So he is sending in his B-team. Myron-B then turns off the cameras in his office. He tells the team that, according to Friend Computer, the place where the sporks are stored does not exist – it is part of the Underplex, accessible through a trapdoor between the tracks in the inter-sector tubeway. He gives the team a map and a rope-and-pulley assembly and sends them off to the transbot tunnels with orders to bring back 50,000 sporks.

The map is lacking a legend, so it just has some letters and numbers on it and a room that is labelled “Monster?”.

The team reaches the section of tunnel and hangs out in a side passage while the trains go by. There is a train every 2 minutes, so they have to be quick. The team manages to get the trapdoor open by cutting the lock off, and although they almost drop the pulley assembly down the shaft, they manage to get some people down. There is a door at the bottom of the shaft that reads AIR EXCHANGE 322 DO NOT OPEN IF EXT RAD GREATER THAN 200. The team continues trying to get people down, however they drop the pulley system and it falls on Taylor’s head. Kelly tries to shimmy down the shaft far enough for Kelsey to toss him the pulleys; however, before they can complete this risky manoeuvre, the shaft bursts into flames, incinerating Kelly before his crispy fried corpse hits the floor.

20 minutes later…

Kelly’s new clone arrives with a new and better (and green – shhhh!!) winch assembly and the team proceeds through the door into the “Endless hallway” to a warehouse marked #3 on their map. Inside they find an operational CHASM Mark 1 security robot, with many large guns. The robot comes clomping over, and trains its guns on them. Kelly manages to sneak around the bot and shut it down, and then reprograms it to obey Kelly-O, and that Terry-O, Taylor-R, Kadin-O, Parker-R, and Kelsey-R are friends. He renames the robot Max, and discovers that Max believes that this room is the entirety of the world – they have existential conversations about the nature of being and the bounds of the universe.



Troubleshooter team DMM-299 is once again selected for additional labour. The team first reports to Double-Stuff R&D depot DS-DMM-01-D, where they received some CLASSIFIED. The CLASSIFIED was very CLASSIFIED and CLASSIFIED their CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED. The team was ordered to CLASSIFIED the CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED. Parker’s CLASSIFIED was a little bomb bot, but she was only given the first letter of its detonation word (it starts with a “B”). Terry’s CLASSIFIED was a cylinder with some strings and such. Taylor’s CLASSIFIED was a spray bottle of some kind. Kelly’s CLASSIFIED was a cybernetic arm with two buttons on it. Kadin’s CLASSIFIED was a large hat designed for a small head. They were also given some CLASSIFIED form to fill out … however, there were only blue pens around, and only Terry had thought to buy red pens, so the team shared one pen between themselves as they filled out the forms.

The team then boarded a transbot to head to CRS-4533/gamma. While in transit, some green security grunts raided the train, no doubt searching for commie mutant traitors. They herded everyone off the train except for DMM-299, then left. The train continued on its way; however, it soon became clear to the team that it was going to bypass station gamma. The team accessed the transbot AI and, despite arguing with it for several whole seconds, were unable to convince it to stop at gamma. Eventually Kelly and Kadin managed to reprogram the AI so that it would stop at gamma.

At gamma, the team was met by Yuri-B-OGN-4 and three other Vulture troopers. Yuri had a lot of cyber, and seemed a little bit paranoid in that he did not trust his own clones. He handed DMM-299 some equipment (black jumpsuits and a list of inflammatory phrases such as “what’s happening dude” and “I deride your personal value system, for it is at odds with orthodoxy”), and instructed them to start a riot in the commissary nearby. This was in order to weed out commie traitors – the traitors would join the riot, while the loyal citizens would follow procedure and evacuate. Yuri promised that DMM-299 would be immune from execution for inciting the riot.

Due to the infinite wisdom of Our Friend The Computer, everyone in DMM-299 is the Hygiene Officer for this mission, and was given a Hygiene Officer’s gear.

While still at gamma station, Kelly programmed his Frankie the Funbot to say “what’s up dude”, and his war bot to repeat “let’s get ready to rumble”. They wander around repeating those phrases incessantly. Kelly then tests out the buttons on his arm – one causes the arm to fall off, so he reattaches it, while the other causes the arm to explode, which kills him instantly. Kelly returns as a new clone, but in order to reattach the cybernetic arm, the DoubleStuff technicians have to cut off his real arm with a chainsaw. Too bad they only remembered the painkillers after they had already sawed his limb off.

Taylor tests the spray that he was given by spraying it on Terry. It appears to cause immediate loss of short-term memory, as Terry could no longer remember Taylor telling her his favourite colour. The spray is also uncomfortably sticky.

Reunited with Kelly, the team heads in to the commissary. They join one of the lines heading to the service firms that dispense food, and start to observe the crowd looking for commie mutant traitors. The team attempts to start a riot by shouting the phrases they were provided, but they only begin to get results after Kelly jumps on a table and starts going on about how terrible and inefficient the service is (compared to his home outfit, the Stove Rangers). This only attracts a green security guard, who is about to show DMM-299 the door when Taylor hits him with the spray and he completely forgets what he was doing. He wanders off, completely befuddled as to why his face is now all sticky.

The team sits down at a table to try and figure things out. All of this time, Parker has been trying to guess the bomb bot’s detonation phrase, with no success. Now, however, Kelly and Parker manage to program a new detonation phrase into the bomb bot – “Xerxes”. Terry immediately says “Xerxes”, and the bomb bot explodes, killing the entire team and everyone around them.

A bomb going off in the middle of a crowded commissary very effectively incites a riot. The team’s new clones are given accolades and various pay bonuses for their efficient work, once again proving that there’s none finer than two-niner-niner.

Fixed Like a Dog

The five troubleshooters of team DMM-299 are brought together for what was supposed to be a simple mission – repair a malfunctioning Imana-665-C robot. Aside from the fact that they were told this robot is experimental and probably dangerous, and aside from the fact that none of them know a darn thing about repairing robots, and aside from the fact that between them they have exactly zero tools or spare parts or manuals or schematics or anything … aside from all of that, this was a very simple mission. At least Acting Undersecretary George gave them five laser barrels that they absolutely would not need. Definitely not. Nope. Won’t need them for sure.

The mission started off swimmingly when the Green jarheads escorting the team through the base ran through a hallway flooded with radiation – they had shields; the team did not. Hygeine Officer Taylor and Happiness Officer Kelly decided to charge unprotected through the radiation. Expect their hair to start falling off shortly, followed by other body parts in good order. While Loyalty Officer Terry searched the irradiated supply warehouse for some Red shields (she being the only team member with a faraday suit), Equipment Guy Parker and Team Leader Kaiden backtracked to Lab 7, where they did not ingest an anti-radiation compound which certainly did not permanently stain their teeth a colour that they did not have clearance for. Nope. Didn’t do that. No idea why Terry would possibly want to punch out all of their teeth.

Once the entire team had crossed, the grunts remembered they had shields for the team, and grunt Gunner went and fetched them. Gunner and Kurt enjoyed some verbal sparring about verb conjugation.

Gunner let the team into a hardened test chamber where the bot was being held. He quickly ushered the team in and closed the door, afraid that “it” would get out. The bot looked like a low-budget R2D2, and it activated when the team entered the room. A cone-like appendage, which appeared to be some sort of weapon, began tracking the team. Kurt ran to the other side of the room and unplugged the robot, which caused it to shut down (except for some blinking lights).

The team made their best efforts to repair the robot, although stymied by the lack of tools, instructions, and expertise, and the fact that the room stank like an abbatoir. Said efforts included – knocking pieces off the robot, trying to pull out a gasket by hand, attempting to open the robot (which caused Kelly’s hand to become trapped in the robot, so the entire team had to stop and free him), tipping over the robot, vomiting onto the robot, getting Kelly’s hand trapped in the robot AGAIN and this time nearly amputated, and spilling blood all over the robot. The natural result of all of these efforts was twofold – 1) Kelly nearly bled out on the floor, requiring Kaiden to apply a tourniquet made out of his shirt, and 2) the robot caught on fire. With no fire extinguisher or other tools, and the locked chamber filling with toxic smoke, the team had no other option than to smother the flames with their own urine-soaked clothing.

After informing Gunner that they had fixed the robot, Gunner unlocked the door and the team exited the test chamber. Gunner informed the team that George was stuck in meetings but they could wait around to inspect the robot with him at the end of the day. The team declined and (dragging the unconscious Kelly behind them) hurriedly boarded a transbot so that they would not get in the way of George claiming all of the glory for fixing the bot.

Kaiden was promoted to Orange, and several team members received bonuses for their loyal service. Kelly’s right arm had to be amputated below the elbow. George was probably executed.

The robot, it turns out, was a voice-activated fridge.


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